50 Hilarious "The Simpsons" Quotes

Updated August 24, 2023 | Infoplease Staff

Are you a fan of "The Simpsons"? Do you find yourself quoting Homer, Bart, or any of the other hilarious characters on a daily basis? Well, you're in luck! We've scoured the depths of Springfield to bring you the ultimate list of the 50 best Simpsons quotes that are sure to make you laugh, reminisce, and maybe even ponder the meaning of life. From Homer's iconic "D'oh!" to Ralph's hilariously nonsensical statements, this list has it all.

But wait, there's more! Not only will we take you on a trip down memory lane with some of the most memorable quotes from one of the greatest animated shows of all time, but we'll also provide some commentary to help you relive the moments in a whole new way. So, sit back, grab a Duff Beer, and get ready to laugh your way through our list of the best Simpsons quotes. And who knows, maybe you'll even learn a thing or two about life, love, and the importance of a good donut. Without further ado, let's dive into the wonderful world of "The Simpsons"!

50 Spectacular Quotes from "The Simpsons"

1. "D'oh!" — Homer Simpson.

2. "Mmm... donuts." — Homer Simpson.

3. "Ay Caramba!" — Bart Simpson.

4. "Don't have a cow, man." — Bart Simpson.

5. "Excellent." — Mr. Burns.

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6. "Hi everybody!" — Dr. Nick Riviera.

7. "I'm a lean, mean, speed thingy." — Flash.

8. "I'm not a bad guy. I'm just misunderstood." — Sideshow Bob.

9. "Mmm... forbidden donut." — Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.

10. "Oh, so they have internet on computers now." — Homer Simpson.

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11. "Release the hounds!" — Mr. Burns.

12. "Thank you, come again." — Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.

13. "That's a paddlin'." — Jasper Beardly.

14. "Woo Hoo!" — Homer Simpson.

15. "That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!" — Homer Simpson.

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16. "The goggles! They do nothing!" — Rainier Wolfcastle.

17. "They taste like... burning." — Ralph Wiggum.

18. "To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." — Homer Simpson.

19. "Worst. Episode. Ever." — Comic Book Guy.

20. "You don't win friends with salad." — Homer Simpson.

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21. "You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try." — Homer Simpson.

22. "You'll have to speak up. I'm wearing a towel." — Homer Simpson.

23. "You only move twice." — Hank Scorpio.

24. "Eat my shorts!" — Bart Simpson.

25. "Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix." — Comic Book Guy.

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26. "I choo-choo-choose you." — Ralph Wiggum.

27. "I bent my Wookiee." — Ralph Wiggum.

28. "You're not my supervisor!" — Cheryl Tunt.

29. "I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think unicorns are kickass!" — Milhouse Van Houten.

30. "I'm seeing double here... four Krustys!" — Barney Gumble.

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31. "It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day." — Homer Simpson.

32. "Kids are the best, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate and they practically raise themselves." — Homer Simpson.

33. "Me fail English? That's unpossible." — Ralph Wiggum.

34. "Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a viking." — Ralph Wiggum.

35. "Operator! Give me the number for 911!" — Homer Simpson.

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36. "S-M-R-T. I mean, S-M-A-R-T." — Homer Simpson.

37. "The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now." — Recording on phone.

38. "Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel." — Homer Simpson.

39. "Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? Now here's the tricky part: Oh, won't you rhyme with me?" — Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.

40. "Ha ha!" — Nelson Muntz.

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41. "Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter." — Homer Simpson.

42. "I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Democracy simply doesn't work." — Kent Brockman.

43. "Ah, the Luftwaffe. The Washington Generals of the History Channel." — Rainier Wolfcastle.

44. "I'll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business." — Mr. Burns.

45. "If at first you don't succeed, give up." — Homer Simpson.

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    "I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football game more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight!" — Homer Simpson.

46. "Kids are the best, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate and they practically raise themselves." — Homer Simpson.

47. "Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen." — Homer Simpson.

48. "Remember as far as anyone knows, we are a nice normal family." — Homer Simpson.

49. "Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel." — Homer Simpson.

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Summing Up "The Simpsons"

So there you have it, folks! 50 of the best quotes from one of the greatest animated shows of all time. From catchphrases to silly ramblings, "The Simpsons" has given us so many memorable moments over the years. And while we may never agree on which episode is the best or which character is the funniest, we can all agree on one thing: "The Simpsons" is a true American classic that will always hold a special place in our hearts.

Plus, why not test your knowledge of TV figures with our quiz, Name That TV Dad Quiz?

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