The Devil's Dictionary: Heathen

"The Hebrews are heathens!" says Howison. He's
A Christian philosopher. I'm
A scurril agnostical chap, if you please,
Addicted too much to the crime
Of religious discussion in my rhyme.

Though Hebrew and Howison cannot agree
On a modus vivendi — not they! —
Yet Heaven has had the designing of me,
And I haven't been reared in a way
To joy in the thick of the fray.

For this of my creed is the soul and the gist,
And the truth of it I aver:
Who differs from me in his faith is an 'ist,
And 'ite, an 'ie, or an 'er —
And I'm down upon him or her!

Let Howison urge with perfunctory chin
Toleration — that's all very well,
But a roast is "nuts" to his nostril thin,
And he's running — I know by the smell —
A secret and personal Hell!