The Devil's Dictionary: Baptism

Updated May 14, 2020 | Infoplease Staff
by Ambrose Bierce
BAIT
BAROMETER

BAPTISM

-n.

A sacred rite of such efficacy that he who finds himself in heaven without having undergone it will be unhappy forever. It is performed with water in two ways - by immersion, or plunging, and by aspersion, or sprinkling.

But whether the plan of immersion
Is better than simple aspersion
Let those immersed
And those aspersed
Decide by the Authorized Version,
And by matching their agues tertian.

-G.J.

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